When "It's Ok" is Not.

As a species, we humans are many things. One of the biggest, is that we are a nurturing sort. We see a baby animal and we fall to open-mouthed “awwww!!!” and can't help but want to cuddle it close. We are triggered by their adorable faces and sweet breath; their tiny awkward walks, or their fur, or their tails or paws or.....But this kind of reaction can be a two-edged sword. When we take in these tiny little babies, dogs specifically, we are assuming the role of Parent and Teacher. Letting our natural human instincts tell us how to raise these animals, can sometimes backfire on us. Especially with Fear.


Fear can ruin a great puppy really fast, if not handled appropriately. It is a natural and necessary emotion felt by every living thing. It is designed to keep us alive. To tell us whether the situation calls for Fight or Flight, but to us Humans, it is a little different. We are a reasoning species, so when we are faced with something fearful, our reasoning brains can look at it objectively (provided the fear is not so great that we fall into a panic attack, or have such severe anxiety that we cannot function) and figure out if this Fear is something that actually can harm us, or if we can “work through it.” For a dog, Fear is quite different. When a dog becomes fearful, Nature tells her to either Fight it, Run from it, or Roll Over and Hope It Doesn't Eat You....Which can sometimes lead to Defending Oneself, or Fighting It.


Your growing puppy will experience two, and sometimes three, Fear Phases as she grows. Somewhere between 3 and 11 weeks of age (give or take, depending on the pup) your puppy is cruising through her first Fear phase. A pup's eyes and ears begin to open around 13 days old. Her body becomes much more aware of things at this point, and if the handling of this pup is rough, scary, very isolated or painful, this can set her up for being a fearful pup as she moves into her other phases of growth. Some puppies are genetically prone to shyness, which can lead to a more fearful adult dog if not handled kindly. This stage of your puppy's life is very important for good handling and socialization to noises, humans, short periods of being alone (very short!!!! No more than a few minutes at a time. They NEED their littermates and their Momma), variances in temperature, and safe exposure to other pets. Exposing your puppy to new dogs, is not recommended if they have not had at least two rounds of vaccinations however. From a training perspective, in order to get a balanced dog, one would want to begin exposure as soon as possible. From a medical viewpoint, this is not safe. Talk with your Veterinarian and see if they can help you come up with safer ways to expose your little one, so you can take advantage of this imprinting window.

What if you have no idea what happened around your pup at that early development stage? No worries! You still have plenty of time to help your shy puppy gain confidence. Even a perfectly handled, bold puppy will experience these psychological growth periods, and can experience fears. The second phase usually hits between 4 and 6 months of age. This is where you and all your great training seems to have become irrelevant to your puppy, as they are also right in the middle of a stage that draws them out of the infantile behavior of following you everywhere. They are becoming more settled in their personalities, and just like any teenage human, they want more space to explore. During this time, you may notice your pup is eager to learn new things, but just as quickly, she seems to ignore them if the situation tells her that something more interesting than You is happening. If your puppy all of a sudden acts frightened of something, and you really cannot put a finger on “why,” now is the perfect time to enroll in a well-respected obedience class. Something positive is best, as the entire goal should be to change the puppy's mind about different situations.


The third phase is a bit of a mystery. Some dogs seem to hit it hard, while others don't experience it at all. Or they have, but in such subtle ways we missed it. Those are the pups who usually have a well-grounded background, and are now capable of being initially scared of something, but are using their wits and curiosity to explore it, and determine if it's worth staying scared of or not. This last Fear period usually presents itself between 6-12 months. This third phase may also truly be your pup's second phase, just late in arriving. A dog that hits this phase and suddenly seems to refuse to 'do' any of the fun things she used to enjoy, such as visiting with other dogs, or going for walks, or acting fearful of certain people, may get “stuck” here if not given a good balance of proper correction and reward.


Some dogs come into the world afraid. Genetically, they are prone and weren't given the positive conditioning necessary to change how they see things. You did everything right. You socialized this pup gently. You softly exposed her to new things and people. You are using positive methods, and you still have a pup who cowers and shakes, or yelps and tries to escape when a new situation arises. Or you have adopted an adult dog with these issues. In either case, there is hope. It is never too late to help an older dog, or completely change a pup.


Here is why “ok” is not: In our latest group class, we have a rather boisterous and comfortable group, with the exception of a 4.5 month old German Shepherd. He is terrified of the other puppies. His fear is such that he screams and tries to run away if they get too close to him. His parents (owners) confusion is deepened because this pup lives with two other big dogs at home, and is comfortable with them. The neighbor dogs scare him to pieces too; he flees the fence-line screaming whenever they are present. They initially did what we all want to do as Humans: Petted him and softly talked to him, and told him “It's ok. Calm Down. You're fine. Shhhhh....It's ok” as they pulled him closer to their bodies. The scared pup is now restrained, and he is now between his Pack and the Scary Dogs. Now his protective instinct shows. He changes his tone from “save me” to “STAY AWAY” and begins to add growls and real barks to his noises. This is not Ok at all.

So what do you do? As a human, it is our natural instinct to cuddle and soothe this puppy. If we are dealing with a frightened child, hugging him close and telling him he is ok may actually help calm him down (assuming the child is old enough to understand words). For a dog, this is not the case. When our pups hear us telling them it is 'ok' in what we hear as soothing, they may actually be construing as us saying “I know...shhhh...I'm scared too...it's ok...what you're doing is right....we'll get through this together....” Our worry for the dog is what he feels in that moment, and this emotion can make him feel as though he is right for being afraid in that situation. Some trainers may tell you to simply ignore this behavior, and wait for the pup to calm down, and then give them a reward. I disagree with this approach when the pup has moved into that protective stance.


When the pup is first exhibiting the fear, yes, you can ignore it and wait for the better, less frantic behaviors to present themselves, and then offer a reward. This is the stage of screaming and trying to run away. Allow the pup to find the end of the leash (and please make sure the dog is in a well-fit collar or body-harness to prevent escape) and do whatever freaking out he is going to do. Should he not begin to calm in 10-15 seconds, move a ways farther away from the scary thing to wait it out. As soon as the pup calms, wait a few seconds (2-4) and offer a yummy reward. If the pup is into the food at that point, see if you can use it to lure him a bit closer to the scary thing. Each step earns a reward. Should the pup recoil, you have now found the distance he is comfortable with, and can begin working there to build more confidence.

If the pup has moved into growling or defensively threatening the “scary” thing, telling him it is 'ok' is the exact opposite of what you want. Instead, disrupt his behavior. The simple way is to immediately step in front of him, close to his body space so you are essentially invading the behavior. Issue a stern, but not loud, “No,” or “quiet” cue. Do not repeat yourself, “no..no..no..no” this does nothing to help: It only gives your dog the impression that you are barking at him. This will exacerbate his frustration and he may become more upset. Often, your invasion of body space is enough to break the pup's focus, and he will be quiet. The moment he is no longer growling or barking, (you may have to Body Block him backwards a few feet before this happens) step to his side again, so he can clearly see the thing that frightened him, and if he looks that way for 1-2 seconds without the noise, immediately tell him “Good” and give him a super tasty reward.

It is important to remember to step away so he has a clear view of the scary things before feeding him, or the dog may begin to think that you are rewarding him for his initial defensive noise and reaction. A dog only has about 1.5 seconds of process time to connect action to reward. By rewarding him when he is quietly looking at the scary thing, and “correcting” him by taking that ability away, he will begin to relax. If he isn't relaxing, you are simply too close to the scary thing for him to cognitively function in a non-reactive fashion.


There are different techniques that will work for each individual dog, so please do not take this suggestion as gospel, simply one method that worked for this particular pup.


Over the course of the class (approximately an hour) he relaxed using this technique to a degree that allowed him to be only five feet away from the rest of the group. Respecting his fear by not forcing him to be too close, and not allowing the other pups to reach him yet, is also a vital component of helping him gain confidence. Had his people continued to assure him that this was “ok,” he would not have begun to see when acting like that really is not ok. Dogs learn by what gets them paid, ie what gets the treats, or what works for them. At one point, this pup was so worked up he had no interest in the morsels of meat being offered; he was so far into his fear that his number one sense was not working. His barking and posturing was working! The other pups were being kept far away by their owners, but he was learning his bravado was working...He didn't want the dogs near him, and they weren't. By moving him a bit away, and telling him what was inappropriate, he learned to relax.


I didn't used to feel this way about the word “ok.” When I was younger, I thought dog 'experts' were stupid to tell me not to love on my pup when she was afraid. I thought surely if I only pet her and soothed her, she would learn that the world was not to be feared. That is, until I took her to my vet for her first shots. I was given this dog when she was four months old, smack in the middle of a fear period. She growled at everyone she didn't know for the first few moments, until I hugged her and pet her and showered her with treats. Sure she seemed to be growling a bit louder each time, and it seemed to take a little longer to help her warm up to men especially, but I figured that increase was due to her age. Bigger dog = Bigger noise, right? Wrong.


I had her on the exam table, and the vet-tech lady had left. The doctor arrived, and he introduced himself. My pup was cowering a bit on the table, and when the vet put out a hand for her to sniff, she growled. “Shhhhh....it's ok baby...it's ok...” I said as I pet her.


The vet retracted his hand. Folded his arms. Took a step backwards, and said “Don't you dare tell that pitbull it's ok to growl at me.”


Wow....


I began to look at things differently. That simple phrase changed the way I handled my dog. He showed me to tell her no, and only give her that jerky when she had quieted. By the end of that visit, even though she had received vaccinations and a full exam, she was wagging her tail and kissing that vet on the nose.

Totally not a pit, but that face!